A New Kid on the Blog

I don't know why you are here (I mean, looking at this screen on your computer; of course I know why you're here--you couldn't be anywhere else). But since you are, I invite you to enjoy this post because it may be my last. Never fancied myself as much of a blogger, I'm more of a bloggee, that is (according to me), one who visits blogs. It's not so much because I don't have time to waste--I do, oodles of it in fact and I waste it all the time. It's just that I don't want you to know anything that personal about me in an impersonal way. Sorry--too scary.

Nevertheless, here I am with a blog. So we might as well put it to some use, since it is up-and-running and all that. Now since I'm not intending to post more on this blog--at least not anytime soon--it's going to be pretty empty and I'd like to use this bit of emptiness for something, if I can.

But there are some serious questions about whether or not I can. For example, let's consider a case of emptiness, empty space (or a genuine vacuum). It's not clear that there is any such thing. If there were, where would it be? Suppose there were a vacuum, say, between the left and right sides of your computer screen. Well, if the space between them were completely empty, then there wouldn't be anything between the two sides; and if there was nothing between the two sides, then they'd be touching; and if they were touching . . . . You see the point. There just ain't no room in this 'ere world for emptiness!

OK, so there may be some problems with my trying to use this "bit of emptiness" if I were to try to use something which doesn't, nay, CANNOT exist. But I don't mean to do that! I realize that emptiness is a lack of something, and a lack is not really anything whatsoever, and if it's not anything whatsoever, then . . . well. . . it's nothing. But nothing isn't a thing--(I just said so. Say the word aloud yourself if you don't believe me). So it doesn't exist because all and only things exist. It would be a colossal mistake to try to use something which doesn't exist. (I said I waste time, but even I draw the line somewhere!)

You might protest, "But you said "it's nothing!" Ha! You admit it, then, that emptiness is something. You referred to it as "it" (naturally). But how can you refer to "it" but think that it is nothing? If it's nothing, then it's something you fool!"

This response rests on a great confusion (and is mean-spirited). But I can't take the time to address it here because the more I write the less empty this blog will be, and the less likely it will be that I'm able to use what's not here for my desired purposes!

What is (or better--"would be") my purpose IF I were able to use this bit of emptiness (which I'm not, since there's no such thing)? I'm glad you asked: As a place to get away from it all, relax, and think deep thoughts. And just so you don't freak out with all the emptiness and can relax, I've stuck a picture of a dead philosopher over there to the left (look up a little) to keep you company. Don't laugh at this, though. I know what you're thinking. "Jeez, thanks a lot. A great deal of company a dead--i.e. non-existent--philosopher is in the midst of all this emptiness!"

But, again, another confusion. Plato was right. To be dead is to be separated, not to be non-existent. Turns out you're not alone on this blog but in the company of saints; and that, my friend, is good news. Feel free to dance! You won't be dancing alone. . . .